“Clark’s” first semester of school has come to an end. Seems like just yesterday that he started school and now it is report card and teacher conference time. Come this Thursday, I will have to walk into his first grade classroom and face the “older” woman that “Clark” has had a crush on and been making google eyes at for the past few months. How does a mother handle a situation like this? I must admit he does have good taste in women. His teacher is much younger and prettier than I remember my teachers being. I remember most of my teachers as being over a hundred years old and having voices like drill sergeants. His teacher is tall, slender, soft spoken and not a day over twenty five. Some of my teachers had twenty five year old shoes.

I don’t think there is a woman in the world, who doesn’t sit up and take notice when she opens a newspaper or watches an ad on television that says…“GRAND OPENING, new shopping center.” And when this information is accompanied by the word “SALE,” it has a very strange affect on women. Whether she needs something new or not, just the fact that it is on sale, makes buying something new a necessity. And checking out all the new shopping centers is certainly a necessity. Saving our husbands money is always first and foremost in our minds. Men seem to think that shopping and spending money is fun. They don’t realize the misery we have to go through to save that 30 percent, at a shopping center, 50 miles away from home.

In the past few months. I have written a couple of columns telling you about the perils of this city girl who moved to the quiet solitude of the country. This week is another chapter dealing with my on-going perils of trying to tame the wild. Now having no expertise in taming the wild. I do believe that sooner or later these critters are going to tame me. The wooley critters still manage to find a way out- of the pasture and into the garden. (we have the shortest corn stalks and the fattest sheep in Weld County). At least five times a week I have to chase these critters back where they belong. Now there has been a new twist to who does the most chasing around our house. Lately everytime I get close to the barn, I am chased by “Mother.” the cantankerous goose has turned into “Rambolina.” the frustrated attack goose. This dear old bird has decided that it is great barnyard fun to see how fast dear old Mom can run toward the safety of the house while she is in hot pursuit.

Have you ever had the “blahs”? More specifically, the “winter blahs”. I have the “winter blahs”. I think someone should declare, “blah week”. It could be any cold, snowy week in the winter, like the one we are experiencing right now. During this week everyone could sit around in front of the fireplace and argue about who has to carry the wood in the house for the fire. Also during this week, they could ban the TV Weatherman from predicting the weather and giving the temperature and the State Patrol could close all the streets and roads, so we wouldn’t have to risk our fenders.

The wonderful world of supermarkets.

This week I am going to bore you with some of my favorite pet peeves. While going through my mind for material, I have discovered that 98% of my pet peeves are directed at one place: the supermarkets.

Seems every week when I go to the store. I hit the day of the mating ritual of the grocery carts. There are always at least 40 carts, all stuck together, and I still haven’t figured out if you are supposed to take the first cart or the last cart in the row. Most of the time I try to get the last cart. So there I am, trying to hold on to my purse, and with my left hand pushing a cart, and with my right hand pulling a cart, trying to make the romantic little devils - let go of each other. Then when I finally use enough force to break their hold, the racket they make gets the attention of everyone standing at the check out stands. And it always seems like the one that I put up the fight for and won, is the one with the square wheel, and the front gate that won’t stay up.

They call it procrastination. I have been guilty of procrastination on many occasions, but never quite so severely than in the past couple of weeks. We are all aware that school is about to begin. The beginning of school means shop- ping for school clothes. I have been dreading taking “Clark” shopping for school clothes for the past few weeks, therefore I have been procrastinating. It has been past experiences that have made me gun shy. I know just the mention of going to the clothing department in a department store will be met with a long face and the questions…“How long will it take?' and “Will we be home in thirty minutes to watch the transformers? I have had a lot of experience with taking girls shopping and now at my mature age. I have to go through taking a boy shopping. Believe me it is a whole different ballgame. Most girls like nice clothes and like to shop for them, boys on the other hand like nice clothes but don’t want to be bothered with what they think is unnecessary shopping.

I don’t think there is a woman in the world, who doesn’t sit up and take notice when she opens a newspaper or watches an ad on television that says…“GRAND OPENING, new shopping center.” And when this information is ac- companied by the word “SALE,” it has a very strange affect on women. Whether she needs something new or not, just the fact that it is on sale, makes buying something new a necessity. And checking out all the new shopping centers is certainly a necessity. Saving our husbands money is always first and foremost in our minds. Men seem to think that shopping and spending money is fun. They don’t realize the misery we have to go through to save that 30 percent, at a shopping center, 50 miles away from home.

Have you ever heard of Murphy’s Law? A simple explanation of Murphy’s Law is….what possibly can go wrong - will go wrong. I have had the distinction of being chosen to live by Murphy’s Law in the past couple of weeks.

It all started on a cold morning in the latter part of January, when I innocently went into the garage to start my car, to warm it before I drove “Clark” to school. I started my old tin lizzie and before I knew it, lizzie was as warm as I have ever seen a car before. Her engine had caught on fire. Not only was lizzie burning, she was burning while still inside the garage. After a panic call to 911, the fire department responded and brought things under control. Luckily no one was hurt, but little lizzie was burned to a crisp.

Finally! The time of the year that we have all been waiting for has arrived….springtime. Ah springtime, the time of year when the grass turns green, the trees begin to bud and a housewife’s thoughts turn to that great American tradition…spring house cleaning.

Just two short months ago. I wrote a column about the winter blahs. Now it is time to write another column about the blahs, only this time it is the spring house cleaning blahs. In comparison to the spring house cleaning blahs, the winter blahs are a picnic. I would like to know who the clown was that started this great American tradition. I have a special list with a special position on that list for his or her name.

This week. I thought I would start this column with a quiz. Kind of a short version of poor man’s Trivial Pursuit. What common five word phrase is seen more often in the holiday season than any other time of the year? Merry Christmas-Happy New Year, you say…wrong! Have a Happy Holiday Season…wrong again! Give up? The common five word sentence is…pay to the order of. Just think how many times in the last month or so that you have followed up these common little words printed on a piece of paper, with someone’s name. You know that you have gone overboard when a UPS truck pulls up in front of your house to deliver your December bank statement.